When I first told my Oma (German for Grandmother) that I had decided
to follow Jesus about a year ago, she responded with “yes! He is the way, the
truth, and the life!” I was kind of
amazed to hear those words come out of her mouth—she had been in decline over
the last few years and her dementia had progressed to a point where she didn’t
often remember my name when I would come visit.
It was so remarkable to see how even though she seemed perpetually
confused in the whirlwind blur of the world around her, God had maintained
himself as the firm foundation, the ROCK of her life, and she was still able to
know him and turn to him.
God called her home to be with him last week. The 5 days in between her death and the
funeral were really difficult in a lot of ways.
With a death like hers, in a way it is a relief, because she had been
suffering and hadn’t been herself for quite some time, but it is still very
saddening, and a time for grieving.
Recently, God and others had been bringing up a lot about my issues
with pride, selfishness, and narcissism.
I beat myself up a bit over the last visit I had with my Oma. It was Christmas day, and I was having a
panic attack and didn’t want to go visit her.
I ended up going in the room for about 30 seconds, giving her a hug and
saying “Merry Christmas”, promptly followed by “can we go now?!”, which wasn’t
met with any verbal response, so I just left on my own. Really, I couldn’t have stuck it out for five
minutes to spend time with my ailing grandmother? Everything was about me. I had no clue how to love people—especially
those who had loved me.
At her funeral service, my dad read some scripture: John
14:1-6. He made it through verses 1-5 no
problem, and then, as soon as “I am the
way, the truth, and the life” crossed his lips, I could see him beginning
to break down. If that was one of Oma’s
favourite passages of scripture, or at least significant enough for her to
remember in her final years, he no doubt had a myriad of memories with her
associated with this particular scripture.
He paused to collect himself, and I could see him fighting back
tears. I hadn’t ever seen him cry
before. I wanted to jump out of my seat,
give him the biggest hug, and make him cry, and comfort him, and love him. I can’t remember ever feeling that way about
my father. God had been moving in me,
and I knew it was good. Dad rolled “no one comes to the father, except through
me” off his tongue and returned to his seat as fast as he could. Oma knew Jesus. She was with him and the father in
heaven. I wanted to make that known to
my dad, somehow.
At the reception following the service, I paid particular attention
to my Opa. He had loved his wife more
deeply than any other man I had ever seen, and it was so weird and sad to see
him without her, by himself. At one
point I looked over to where he was sitting and saw him smiling, holding my
cousin’s 5-week-old baby boy as someone was snapping photos. There was the full circle. I was then reminded of the words: “from life’s first cry, to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny… No power of hell, nor scheme of man could ever pluck
me from his hand…” Something
clicked in me, that I knew God had been trying to express for a long while: I
belong to God (I am HIS), and even
though I have been fighting so hard against him in a lot of instances, trying
to do things my own way, he hasn’t ever left, and won’t ever leave, and has
known my every thought and move since the beginning of time—known that I would
sin and betray and choose against him, in full knowledge of what was right and
wrong, and still, he stands by me, jealous for me to choose him! He does this with every single one of us,
knowing that many will never choose him, but still showing them a profound,
unconditional love and acceptance that the world can try to imitate at best. I’m so happy that God gave us Oma as an
example of what he does and how he provides when we do choose him. She lived through circumstances of war,
poverty, immigration, and being the mother of 7 boys, which I can scarcely
imagine. Her faith got her through, and
God provided for and loved her until the very end and beyond. He loved and provided for her so abundantly
that she was able to pay it forward, and love and provide for us, her family,
and also neighbours, friends, and strangers, taking nothing extra for herself.
After the guests had gone, and only immediate family was left, Opa
and I had a conversation. We talked
about Jesus, and how awesome he is. Opa
was describing to me how Oma lived every day by faith in what she had not seen,
and now, after 89 years of living in that faith, she was finally able to see
what she had been believing in! I had
expected him to be sad at the loss of his wife of 62+ years, but instead he was
the most joyful and relieved I’d ever seen him.
“She finished the race!” he told me, “It was long and hard, but she did
it, and she is no longer suffering. I am so happy for her!” Wow. Just, wow.
A living example of the faith God wants us to have, right in my own
family. I was awestruck and
overjoyed. Yes, she is home with her
father in heaven, and we will all be there together again someday. God is so freaking good!
* * * * *
I’m in my final semester of my undergraduate degree, and the burning
question on everyone’s lips right now seems to be “what next?” Hearing the
story of my grandparents’ faith only underlined for me what I had already known
to be true: the greatest thing I could possibly do with my life is to follow
Jesus, and obediently go where he leads.
Over the last few months, God has grown my heart immensely for church
ministry, and has made it clear to me that this is an area where he would like
to use me, and a direction he wants me to take.
I feel so blessed to have heard this from him so clearly, and to have
had my peers, mentors, and parents, people who I respect and look up to, bless
me into this decision. So, after some
time off after graduation to get to know and love the people of the world (I’ve
had intentional mission in the workplace suggested to me, and I kind of really
like the idea), it’s off to seminary!
God has done some amazing work in me over these four years at
Western, when I arrived with my only intentions being to “get drunk and have
fun”. Never in a million years would I
have imagined that I would choose this path for myself, but our God transforms
hearts and minds so radically when we choose him, that now I can’t imagine my
life any other way than with him. You
couldn’t pay me any amount of money to choose anything else.
Till he returns, or calls
me home, here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.
