When there is nothing left...

When there is nothing left, God is left.  Truth.  In just a few days I get to cross the stage to receive my undergraduate degree.  Four years ago, this seemed absolutely unquestionable; I was smart, and my brains had gotten me good grades all throughout elementary and high school, why should university be any different?  I had bold plans to keep my average in at least the 90^th percentile to be assured a spot in physical therapy school upon graduation from an Honours degree in kinesiology.  That’s how things started…

I’ve talked about my struggles with anxiety exhaustively.  The gist is that it broke me down after I had all my ducks in a row and had myself set up for success.  No amount of “sometimes the best-laid plans never come to fruition” could ever console me, because I had lost everything that had ever made me successful, and made myself believe that I had value.  This illness had ripped me apart from the inside out, and it was totally invisible from the outside, so I was expected to just conceal it and carry on like normal.  That was all I wanted to do, actually, but it just wasn’t possible.  

By now, I feel like I’ve been given the label of “that girl who had anxiety and then found Jesus”… well, yes.  I’ve told that story a bunch of times, and it’s probably a good story, but that’s all it is.  It is but one story of a way that Jesus has touched me, because I have allowed God to say something different than the rest of the world, and speak truth into my life.  I’d wager that everybody has at least a story or two about overcoming adversity, and whenever I sit through a graduation ceremony, or walk through a cemetery, (well those were two very different examples), or a nursing home, I can’t help but wonder about the stories that each individual has to share: what brought them to this point?  What struggles did they overcome in life?  What is their family’s story?  I just really love stories: reading them, telling them, living them, and walking through them.  This story of me meeting Jesus while covered in the ashes of my dreams and having him show me that he wanted something way better for me?  That’s not the last thing he’s going to do.  It wouldn’t make a lot of sense to believe in a God who gets you through the tough times and just makes them okay, without any hope of pure joy and ecstasy in a future and a forever with him.  So Jesus got me through my undergrad—that’s just the beginning!  I’m not done with him, and he’s not done with me, and to know that as truth in my heart is a source of joy, every day.  I know there’s more, and it’s going to be so unbelievably beautiful, like a really good story.  That doesn’t mean that I’ll love absolutely every moment of it.  I know there will be heartache, tears, grieving, illness, and loss, just as there has been in the past, but when you’re on that road with God and not by yourself, he becomes the source that you draw from during those times, and …those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. - Isaiah 40:31, NLT

I’m so excited to take time on Tuesday to celebrate everything God has done in the last four years of my life, particularly the last two as I’ve come to acknowledge and know him more.  When I stand for O Canada at that convocation ceremony, and hear my dad belting it out (probably in French, just to make fun) in his operatic baritone that cuts through everything, where I would’ve hung my head in shame a few years ago, I’ll smile (and probably also shed a tear or five), because I know no one was expecting me to make it there, and our Lord, in his abundant grace and mercy, gave me the strength to carry on, keep going, and finish this degree. Something about my dad’s voice always gets me, but beside that point, it’ll be like him saying “you did it!”, at the same time as God is going to smile and say “we did it!"...

Me and Dad at my high school graduation

Undergraduate convocation: celebrating reaching the summit of this mountain, but looking ahead to the other scalable peaks, and praising God for the beautiful panorama! Amen.