I often feel like I'm sitting on the fence of the Kingdom of God, not knowing if I
want in or out. As I was walking to work one morning last week, I was thinking
about this, and was reminded of dogs (but I think about dogs a lot too, so
that's no surprise).
I remember seeing a funny t-shirt in a catalogue as a kid
that depicted a to-do list for the day:
-let dog
in
-let dog
out
-let dog
in
-let dog
out
-let dog
in
-let dog
out
Ad
nausaeum…
Dog goes
out to pee, then comes back in, then sees squirrel outside, then hears you
unwrapping cheese, then hears the neighbour's dog barking, then smells you
starting to make dinner, then has to go out and chase the letter carrier, then
needs to come in and be enough of a suck to get a treat from you as recompense
for scaring away the bad guy…
Dogs
think they know what they want in the moment, and to a certain extent, we do
too.
I want to
be in a relationship with a God who loves me unconditionally, but find myself
yo-yo-ing back and forth between that state of being and another one that makes
me want to get as far away as possible because I know that I can't conquer my
own human nature which says that I deserve utter desolation, hopelessness, and
loneliness.
The good
news is that through Christ, that brokenness is overcome. God isn't some irate
dog owner who lets us bark and whine outside the door of his house because he's
frustrated, or lazy, or preoccupied. Even though we willingly left that house
on a whim to chase after some transient and fleeting thing, and realized it
wasn't as good as the paradise we had inside the warm shelter of the house, and
maybe even got sprayed by a skunk or something to boot, just as another
reminder of our vulnerability, he will never make us wait longer than it takes us to realize where we really want to be. He's good, and shows a deeper unconditional
love for us, and joy in our decision to choose him even than any dog as their
owner comes home from a long day at the office, or a few weeks' vacation.
Sometimes
it takes a bit of wandering around alone outside before I realize it, but I
want that. I think as humans we yearn for that sense of belonging and love. We
just need to remember that it's there.
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