New year, new me

“New year, new you”—it’s the message we’re seeing everywhere, whether we’re trying to lose weight, change some less-than-ideal habits, improve our social statuses, or increase our GPAs.  Growing up, I thought that the notion of New Year’s resolutions was absolutely ridiculous, and that anyone thinking that they were going to turn their whole life around on a dime just because the last number of the date had changed was completely naïve.  I made a new year’s resolution once in my life, and it really wasn’t good for me—it made me obsessive, self-conscious, and in constant disapproval with myself for about two years before enough became enough.  Rather than delve into more detail, let’s just say that that time of my life isn’t one that I remember fondly.  I’m not down-playing the importance and effectiveness of drastic lifestyle changes, particularly when people who NEED them are concerned.  The important thing is to make any transitions slowly and safely, when they are required. 

I’m about to contradict myself a bit—I’ve made another new year’s resolution this year, although I’m not too sure how to confine it into a sentence fragment, so let me elaborate…  I took a few spiritual baby steps last year, after finding myself at an unparalleled low point in my life.  After a three-month sample of what life with Jesus is really like (to be clear, I was raised in a Christian home, although thoughts and feelings about Christianity were rarely verbalized, so I wasn’t comfortable identifying myself as a Christian because I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to act and feel about it) I’ve decided to make a real commitment to God—read the Bible every day, use my gifts to serve Him, and let Him use me to further His Kingdom. 

People have always commented that I’m very “intense” when I play the violin.  When I was a teen, it was all my anger and suppressed feelings that I could only emote through the music I played.  Now, the anger isn’t gone, but I have a much wider palate of emotional colours to choose from, and I recognize that God has worked through the teachers who have gotten me to where I am today, and although I have worked very hard over the years to improve my technique, the gift of music comes from Him.

More importantly, I feel that I need to trust God.  The best of us can feel abandoned sometimes.  A recent example might be the engagement season that we are (maybe) exiting right now.  Our generation isn’t getting any younger, but it’s still scary to think that I have friends who are getting hitched, especially as a 20-year-old who hasn’t had any long-term romantic relationships to speak of.  I’ve been frustrated to no end sometimes when I see other people’s lives play out so seemingly perfectly, while I feel like mine is going nowhere, despite what a kind, likeable, honest, loyal, good-looking person I prefer to think of myself as (when I say good-looking, I mean I don’t have three eyes or anything totally repulsive… If you know me well enough, you’ll know that I can’t even pretend to be cocky).  I’ve heard it said that those who wait for love are waiting for God to prepare their mate to be the perfect match, and I think that it’s an absolutely lovely notion.  Some might say that it is naïve, but, wouldn’t we all rather enter into a relationship (aiming for it to last, of course) knowing that our partner is prepared to make it work; spiritually, mentally, and emotionally?  I definitely would, and I suspect that I’m not alone.  So, Mr. Right, if you are reading this now, or if I haven’t met you yet, wherever you are, know that I am preparing for you, with God’s help.

Here’s the thing: it might be argued that I didn’t NEED to make this change—I could have lived the rest of my life as a set of biochemical reactions, independent of any deity.  It was after careful exploration of myself and the Word of God that I came to the conclusion that this was the move for me.  In the Bible, it says that God will willingly accept us when we seek Him, but—that’s just it: we have to seek Him.  I didn't have to seek Him, I chose to; and because I chose to, He has accepted me, and I feel compelled to serve Him.

The verse of the day is: Lamentations 3:22-23

            “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

Wishing all of you a happy, healthy, and prosperous new year,

Helenz